Empathy is easier when you start with yourself. Before you can truly understand a colleague's perspective, you need to recognise what's going on inside your own mind. A quick self-check helps you catch your own reactions before they spill into the conversation. With that inner steadiness, it becomes simpler to hear the other person clearly and move things forward together.
This approach isn't just feel-good advice—it's a practical method for workplace collaboration. When you tune into your own emotional state first, you reduce misunderstandings, speed up decision-making, and create a calmer environment for everyone involved. Let's walk through the four steps that make this work.
Pause & Notice
Think of your mind as a glass of water. If it's been shaken and cloudy, everything you perceive looks distorted. A brief pause to notice what you're feeling and thinking helps the water settle. You might spot, for example, that you're feeling rushed, irritated, or overwhelmed.
- Take three slow breaths before entering a meeting
- Check in with your body—are your shoulders tense? Is your jaw clenched?
- Simply observe without judgement
This pause doesn't fix everything, but it creates a tiny buffer between your automatic reactions and your responses. That buffer is where better collaboration begins.
Name Your Feeling
Once you've paused, give your feeling a simple name. Are you anxious? Frustrated? Excited but scattered? Naming your emotion to yourself—not out loud, just internally—reduces its intensity. Research shows that labelling emotions helps calm the brain's alarm system.
- Use basic emotion words: stressed, worried, eager, defensive
- Keep it simple—'I'm feeling rushed' is enough
- Remember: naming isn't the same as dwelling
When you can name what's happening inside you, you're less likely to let that mood drive the entire meeting. You gain a small but crucial bit of distance from your own reactions.
Ask with Curiosity
Now that you've steadied yourself, turn your attention outward. Ask one simple, curious question like, 'What would be most helpful right now?' or 'Can you walk me through what you need?' Because you've already checked in with yourself, you're genuinely ready to listen.
- Frame questions as requests for understanding, not challenges
- Pause after asking—give the other person space to think
- Listen to learn, not to plan your next response
This combination of inner awareness and outward curiosity clears up confusion faster than any amount of back-and-forth emails ever could.
Collaborate Effectively
Make this a habit: spend 30 seconds before important conversations to breathe, notice your state, and set a calm intention. Then, during the conversation, keep one ear on yourself and one on the other person. When you're aware of your own emotional weather, you can adjust your approach in real time.
Collaboration speeds up when everyone feels genuinely heard and no one has to decode mixed signals. Self-awareness isn't selfish—it's the foundation for true teamwork. When you show up steady and present, you create space for others to do the same.
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