Ever catch yourself talking to a colleague, service provider, or even a loved one as though they're just another item on your to-do list? That's 'thingification'—the subtle habit of treating people like objects or obstacles rather than human beings. It creeps in when you're busy, stressed, or overwhelmed. The good news? A few small shifts can flip you back into 'person mode', transforming your interactions from cold and transactional to warm and genuinely effective.
Notice When You're 'Thingifying' People
The first step is awareness. 'Thingification' happens when you stop noticing someone's feelings, needs, or perspective. You reduce them to a function: the person who approves budgets, the barista who pours coffee, the coworker who blocks your deadline. When you speak to them, your tone is clipped, your eye contact fleeting. You might not even use their name.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman describes this as blocking your interpersonal intelligence. Instead of engaging with the whole person, you see a task-shaped silhouette. Catching yourself in this mode is half the battle. Next time you feel impatient or dismissive, pause and ask: 'Am I seeing a person or a checkbox?'
Use Their Name
Names are powerful. Using someone's name signals that you recognise them as an individual, not an anonymous function. It's the difference between barking 'Status?' across the office and saying 'Hey Sam—how's the project going?'
- One version closes the conversation before it begins.
- The other invites dialogue and shows respect.
This micro-move takes seconds but shifts the entire tone. People respond more openly when they feel seen. If you don't know someone's name, learn it. That small effort pays dividends in trust and cooperation.
Ask a Real Question
A genuine question—one you actually want the answer to—transforms a transactional exchange into a human moment. Instead of demanding an update, try 'How are you finding this deadline?' or 'What's tricky about this bit?'
Listen to the response. Reflect back one thing you heard: 'So the timing's tight on your end.' This simple act of acknowledgement makes people feel valued. It also gives you better information. When people feel respected, they share more openly, which means you can collaborate more effectively.
Build a Connection Through Small Signals
Beyond names and questions, there are other quick ways to honour the person in front of you:
- Make brief, warm eye contact.
- Nod to show you're listening.
- Acknowledge their effort: 'I appreciate you turning that around quickly.'
These gestures take almost no time, but they create an atmosphere of mutual respect. Tasks still get done—often more smoothly—because people feel motivated to cooperate rather than comply.
Here's a fun fact: if people were checkboxes, life would be a form. Thankfully, they talk back. When you stop 'thingifying' and start seeing the human, work becomes less friction and more flow. Conversations feel warmer. Problems get solved faster. Connection replaces command.
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