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Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely misunderstood? Or said something you thought was clear, only to watch it spark confusion or defensiveness? You're not alone. Many of us, especially those with neurodivergent minds, find that miscommunication can escalate quickly. The good news is that transforming tense arguments into calm understanding is genuinely within reach, and it starts with two simple communication tools: I-messages and feedback.
Understanding I-Messages: Share Your Experience Without Blame
An I-message is a way of speaking that starts with your own experience rather than pointing fingers. Instead of saying 'You never listen to me,' you might say, 'I feel unheard when I'm interrupted.' Notice the difference? You're naming what you feel and describing what happened from your point of view. This approach keeps defences down because you're not attacking the other person—you're simply sharing your truth.
When you lead with 'I,' you give the other person space to actually hear you. They're less likely to get defensive and more likely to engage with what you're really trying to communicate. This works brilliantly across all settings: friendships, work meetings, dating conversations, and family gatherings.
Using Feedback to Check Understanding
I-messages open the door, but feedback is what keeps communication flowing smoothly. Feedback is simply the act of checking what you heard or inviting the other person to confirm what you meant. It sounds like:
- 'So what I'm hearing is… Is that right?'
- 'Can I check I've understood you correctly?'
- 'Let me make sure I've explained this clearly—does that make sense?'
This simple follow-through prevents small sparks from becoming fires. Rather than assuming you're both on the same page, you actually verify it. When misunderstandings are caught early, they're far easier to resolve.
Creating the Right Environment for Clear Communication
Even the best communication tools need the right setting. If you're trying to have an important conversation in a noisy café or a chaotic open-plan office, you're already working against yourself. When a conversation truly matters, step into a quieter space where both of you can focus properly.
Clear words plus a clearer environment equals genuine cooperation. This is especially important for neurodivergent individuals who may find it harder to filter out background distractions. Give yourself every advantage by choosing your setting wisely.
Making Clear Communication Your Default
The magic happens when these tools become second nature. The more you practise leading with I-messages and checking with feedback, the fewer misunderstandings you'll need to untangle later. Over time, you'll notice that trust builds more easily across all parts of your life—at work, in friendships, and in your closest relationships.
Start small. Try using one I-message today. Check your understanding in your next meeting. Watch how these tiny shifts create ripples of clarity and connection.
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