How to Write an Untangling Statement for Self-Compassion

Four-panel comic showing a woman moving from overwhelm to clarity by separating neurodivergent challenges from her identity

Welcome to a simple yet powerful exercise that can transform how you relate to your neurodivergent challenges. An untangling statement helps you separate what your brain does from who you truly are. This single practice reduces shame and creates space for genuine self-compassion.

When everything feels overwhelming, it's natural for challenges to blur with identity. But you are not your struggles. You're a whole person with strengths, values, and unique traits—and your brain-based challenges are just one part of your experience, not the sum total of who you are.

Acknowledge the Tangle

The first step is recognising when your challenges and identity have become mixed up. This happens to everyone, especially during stressful moments.

Common signs you're in a tangle:

  • Thinking 'I'm broken' instead of 'I'm struggling right now'
  • Letting one difficult moment define your entire worth
  • Feeling shame about needing support or accommodations

Once you notice the tangle, you can begin to separate the threads.

Separate the Parts

Imagine two distinct boxes in front of you. One holds your brain-based challenges—the executive function struggles, the attention regulation, the sensory sensitivities. The other box contains your core self—your kindness, creativity, determination, humour, and values.

These boxes are different. Your challenges are real and deserve acknowledgement, but they don't define your character or limit your potential. When you mentally label these two boxes, you create the foundation for your untangling statement.

Define Who You Are

Now it's time to write. Start with this prompt: 'This is how my brain-based challenges are separate from my view of who I am.'

Then continue by describing yourself as a whole person:

  • Name your strengths (what you do well, what brings you joy)
  • Acknowledge your challenges (without judgement)
  • Describe your personal traits (how you show up in the world)
  • List your values (what matters most to you)

Write freely. There's no perfect format. Some people write a few sentences, others fill a page. What matters is creating a clear statement that separates your difficulties from your identity.

Feel the Clarity

Place your untangling statement somewhere you'll see it regularly—on your desk, in your phone notes, on your bathroom mirror. When you feel stuck or overwhelmed, read it out loud. Share it with a trusted friend if that feels right.

With practice, your untangling statement becomes a steady reference point. It helps you choose support without self-blame. It reminds you to speak to yourself with kindness. You're a whole person first, with neurodivergent traits tagging along—not the other way around.

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