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Have you ever felt that sudden, overwhelming sense that everyone around you secretly dislikes you? These rejection spirals can strike without warning, pulling you into a storm of all-or-nothing thinking. But what if you could shrink that storm with just two simple truths? Let's explore a grounding technique that helps you move from overwhelm to calm – and how it can transform the way you handle emotional intensity.
Understanding the Rejection Spiral
When your brain whispers 'everybody hates me,' it's not being rational. It's in survival mode, scanning for threats and finding them everywhere. This is the rejection spiral in action – a cognitive distortion that collapses the nuance of human relationships into a single, catastrophic narrative.
The mistake most of us make? We try to argue with this thought. We list evidence, counter-argue, debate. But that often makes the spiral spin faster. Your brain doesn't need a courtroom; it needs an anchor.
Truth One: Not Everyone Will Like You (and That's Okay)
This might sound harsh, but it's actually liberating. When you accept that universal approval is impossible, you stop chasing it. Here's why this truth works:
- It acknowledges reality without catastrophising
- It gives your brain permission to let go of the 'everyone' narrative
- It creates space between total rejection and total approval
Say it plainly to yourself: 'Not everyone will like me, and that's okay.' Notice how this statement doesn't argue. It simply reframes the truth in a way your nervous system can accept.
Truth Two: I Love You
This is where the real power lies. After acknowledging that not everyone will approve of you, you immediately anchor to the love that actually exists – starting with self-love. This second truth reminds you that love is present right now, even when approval isn't.
Place a hand over your heart and say it: 'I love you.' If self-directed love feels too difficult, remember someone who genuinely cares about you. The key is to connect with love that is real and available, not hypothetical or distant.
Supporting Someone Through a Rejection Spiral
If you're a partner or friend witnessing someone spiral, these two truths become even more powerful. Say them warmly and simply: 'Not everyone will like you, and that's okay. I really love you.'
Keep your tone calm. You're not fixing the problem; you're grounding the person. This combination often lowers the emotional temperature enough for clearer thinking to return. Use these lines as often as needed – repetition helps the brain learn there's a steadier middle ground between catastrophe and calm.
Rejection spirals thrive in isolation and extreme thinking. The two-truth technique creates connection and nuance. Over time, your brain learns that love exists independently of universal approval – and that's a game-changer for emotional balance.
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