How to Decode Unwritten Workplace Rules: A Neurodivergent Guide

Welcome to the world of invisible rules. You know the feeling—everyone else seems to effortlessly navigate the unspoken norms whilst you're left wondering if you missed the memo. Here's the truth: those unwritten workplace rules don't have to remain a mystery. By documenting them, you transform confusion into clarity and reclaim your mental energy.

Observe & Note

Begin by becoming a pattern detective for one week. How quickly do colleagues respond to emails? Is it within the hour, or by end of day? Who gets copied on decision emails, and who doesn't? Do people turn cameras on for video calls, or is it audio-only with chat messages flying?

• Track email response times
• Notice meeting behaviours (cameras, punctuality, chat usage)
• Identify who needs to be 'in the loop' before decisions move forward

You're not judging anyone's approach—you're simply mapping the territory. Think of it as labelling the lanes on a motorway so you can drive without constant anxiety.

Ask for Clarity

Once you've gathered your observations, don't be afraid to validate them. Find a trusted colleague—someone approachable—and ask, 'Is there a preferred way we handle X here?' or 'I've noticed people do Y—is that the norm?'

Clarity always beats mind-reading. Most people appreciate directness and will happily share the 'way things are done'. These conversations often reveal nuances your observations alone might miss, such as why certain protocols exist or which rules are flexible versus fixed.

Organise Your Notes

Transform your scattered observations into a simple, scannable reference sheet. Create clear categories:

• Communication speeds: Expected response times for emails, messages, calls
• Meeting norms: Camera expectations, speaking order, chat etiquette
• Decision flow: Who needs approval, which channels to use, escalation paths
• No-go zones: Topics to avoid, timing sensitivities, cultural considerations

Keep this cheat sheet visible—pin it beside your monitor, save it in your notebook, or bookmark it on your phone. Make it as accessible as your task list. The goal is to spend less time decoding and more time contributing your actual strengths.

Use Your Cheat Sheet

Your workplace decoder isn't a static document—it's a living tool. As you gather more experience and as office dynamics shift, update your notes. Perhaps you discover that Friday afternoons are terrible for urgent requests, or that your manager prefers bullet points over paragraphs.

The more you make the hidden visible, the calmer your workday becomes. You'll make fewer accidental missteps and feel more confident in your interactions. That mental energy you used to spend on constant guessing? It's now available for your actual work—the creative problem-solving, the strategic thinking, the contributions that showcase your unique talents.

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